so this is how being lonely feels. I guess I’ve reached the peak of being lonely.. the kind of lonely where no matter how many people surround you, the empty feeling still prevails. and it gets worse when I’m alone, especially at night, sitting in front of my computer, tweeting, doing assignments, whatever. I just feel so alone.. and the loneliness makes me wish to be someone else. someone bitter perhaps, so that I’d be too busy thinking about other people’s lives and look for everything negative about them. but unfortunately, I’m not. emptiness is everything I have in me right now, if that makes sense at all. I just feel so distant from everybody else, I can’t even sleep at night thinking about how I reached this level of loneliness. I have no one to talk to about anything, about everything. my best friend’s too busy with school work, and I understand that she dreams of becoming a doctor someday, and I wouldn’t want to be the cause of her not being able to do well in her studies. I know I should focus on my studies too, I do. still, the loneliness doesn’t go away. my other best friend, the one I’m in constant communication with right now, is in a relationship. but no matter how hard I try to be happy for him, the relationship he’s in only reminds me of my loneliness.. makes me realize that I have no special attachment to someone in a special way. these thoughts eat me up and make me think about all sorts of negative things about myself and it drives me crazy. and now, I feel so insecure. not that I only have two friends, but still… the others have other friends themselves and I understand I’m not really their default companion, unlike the relationship I have with my two best friends. when thinking about reaching out to my family, I realize I’ve always been distant from them. I’m a lot closer with my two best friends. now that they’re busy with their own lives, the loneliness seems to worsen as each night passes by. I feel like I’m lost. the loneliness I feel is so bad, even crying can’t help anymore. I’m just holding on to the tiny bit of hope that’s left in me. I know it’s in there.. but I don’t know how much longer I can bear.